Date Everything! is the dating sim I never knew was possible. It features 100 unique characters, each with their own personality and voice. Imagine trying to befriend, make an enemy of, or fall in love with 100 individuals. But here’s the twist: these aren’t real people. They’re actually anthropomorphic objects in your house. From your dishwasher and soap to a shadow or even the air in your vent, there’s a huge variety of “things” to talk with.
While the story in Date Everything! is somewhat forgettable, it’s always present, centered around trying to understand the Dateviator glasses you wear, who made them, and their history. Eventually, you’ll discover how to turn objects into real humans, but I won’t spoil that part. My biggest issue, however, is that the game is tedious. It’s made worse by a lack of proper accessibility options, and its user interface and menus are difficult to navigate. Much more on that later.
The game’s point-and-click exploration involves navigating a 3D home. Moving between rooms is straightforward, but some objects are hard to spot due to cluttered areas or unclear prompts. Also, the game doesn’t clearly tell you how important interacting with objects without the glasses is. For example, you can clog the bathroom sink to talk to the water, or use the thermostat to talk to the air, but the game never hints that these actions are possible.
The first few hours of Date Everything! are spent simply finding all the dateable objects, even the hidden ones. After that, you’re free to explore every dialogue option. Everything is up to you: if a character doesn’t suit you, be rude; if you like them, try to romance them. However, Date Everything! keeps things quite simple. Your choices don’t significantly affect the ending dialogue, and it often feels like what you say doesn’t matter much.
For instance, no matter what I said to a character named Airyn (who is literally air), she seemed to find everything incredibly rude. I was then given only three response options, each pushing me further down a “Hate” path regardless of my choice. I’m still not even sure how we ended up hating each other, or if she just generally despises humans. This “Hate” can essentially be a “lose” condition if you upset a character too much, stopping you from reaching their ending. Thankfully, a limited candy resource found later can help turn hatred back into friendship.
You’re not meant to like every character; the game is about finding your favorites based on your own personality. You can choose from male, female, and queer options. However, you will be “forced” to meet every single character to finish the story. Each dialogue offers its own drama, unique plot, and special way of interacting, so there’s genuinely a lot to see. But looking back at the interactions, they can sometimes feel a bit shallow.
Each object in Date Everything! offers roughly 15–30 minutes of dialogue, meaning the 100 objects combine for about 20–40 hours of content. Finishing a route unlocks a “Date Scrapbook” entry, giving you more lore and replayable cutscenes. Some characters feel fully developed, while others don’t. Similarly, some relationships unfold over many interactions, while others quickly lead to “friends or lovers” questions. You’ll find yourself skipping conversations with characters you simply don’t want to engage with, which is fine, but highlights the uneven quality.
It also features S.P.E.C.S. (Smarts, Poised, Empathy, Charm, and Sass). These attributes add up when you complete a character’s story and are used to unlock special dialogues. However, I find this system very flawed. For example, you might enter a conversation early in the game only to find a character requires 65 Sass. How are you ever supposed to get that so early? Perhaps the game expects you to finish one dating arc before moving to the next.
The game lacks basic visual novel features like text logs or auto-play. Navigating through roomers (quests or tasks) is incredibly tedious too. There are also only few sliders to sort by newest, name or by number (1-100), and there’s no clear indicator of your relationship level beyond “hated”, “loved”, or “just friends”. While I can’t blame the developers given the sheer amount of content, the experience isn’t fully satisfying. Plus, the movement controls are wonky and not as smooth as they should be.
My biggest positive is the game’s content warning mechanic. If you’re not comfortable with sexual content, trauma, or health issues, you can skip those character arcs. This probably covers about 15% of the game, so you won’t miss much by doing so. Another huge bonus is the spectacular voice acting. It’s brilliant, without a doubt, and probably the best part of the game. With talents like Mela Lee (who voices the bed) and Allegra Clark (who voices Lamp) bringing emotional depth, even absurd characters like Toilet feel relatable. Every character is just visually unique and distinct.
This is one of the few dating sims that will actually keep you hooked. It’s not just the dialogue, but how interesting each character is. Who knew a toilet could rap so well? Or a treadmill could be so aggressive? Or even a pirate ship in a bottle could be so funny and unique? This game truly has it all, and you likely won’t be disappointed by diving into its details. I believe its strength lies in the sheer number of characters, which keeps it from ever getting boring.
In the end, Date Everything! is a fun, lighthearted fun for players who enjoy absurdity, but it’s likely not for those seeking a much more deeper narrative. It’s slightly disappointing that there isn’t much to do once you complete the dating phases with each character, nonetheless, I wholeheartedly recommend this dating sim game.
Review copy provided by the publisher
